Monday, 19 August 2013

Third Trimester Woes

Over the past week my sinus problems (common in pregnancy) have gone from permanent sniffle to full blown cold complete with asthma and difficulty breathing mainly because the baby is pushing everything upwards and squashing my lungs. 

Not being able to breathe freely makes me panic, making it worse. The thought I have to continue on like this for another 9 weeks and that's if the baby's on time makes me depressed I have to live with such discomfort for so long. Everything hurts. Dressing myself hurts. Walking hurts, sitting hurts, laying down hurts, standing hurts, showering hurts, eating hurts. I am literally in discomfort 24/7. Added to that the fact I have a cold, sneezing hurts, blowing my nose hurts even breathing in hurts. I'm taking this laundry list of complaints to my new midwife (yes, new - the other one decided to transfer to bonny Scotland) in a couple days. 

As I'm only 31 weeks people don't take me seriously when I say it hurts, thinking it can't be that bad as I still have so long to go. It really is that bad. To the point where I'm welcoming labour with open arms just to get this pregnancy over and done with. 

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Bumps n Brusies

At 30 weeks my centre of gravity has changed meaning I've fallen over twice recently. No damage to the bump but still - this sucks especially when I'm trying to sort my house out which I've recently moved into within the last 2 months. If I lose my footing and fall down I then have to do nothing for the rest of the day and then try again to finish what I was trying to do the next day. Since the falls my family who live close by have been more forthcoming with helping me. I've also been showing signs of stress, the house needs to be sorted before this baby comes otherwise I will not be allowed to have a home birth. This presents a deadline and with this deadline steadily approaching I am getting frustrated.

 If I wasn't in the latter stage of pregnancy I would have got all this stuff done weeks ago. With heavy boxes and bags to lift, clothing to sort through and hang up, furniture to move etc. I'm feeling helpless. I've been told the front room is going to be changed around so I shouldn't do anything to it. When exactly this will occur is unknown. The three big boxes of CDs and DVDs which are not mine are still in the dining room needing to be sorted. The clothes which are not mine and were a huge pile in the bedroom have been sorted, hung up and put away. This is all I am doing with items that are not mine. The boxes if nothing have been done with them I will instruct my sister to move them to the "music" room which currently has a drum kit in it which hasn't been touched. The spare room which will be the nursery still has a few bags and boxes of my belongings in there also needing to be sorted through plus a bed which needs to be put up. Then after all this I need to sort through my stuff for eBay/charity which is a lot and at the moment it's all on top of a wardrobe which is too high for me to reach safely, so I'll have to ask someone to help me with that. Then I have to wash and sort through all the baby clothes, create a birthing plan and pack a hospital bag incase things don't go to plan. 

So quite a tall order to fill when you've also just got kittens (not my idea) who need a litter box changing daily. Extra house work is exactly what I need right now. With my work ending for maternity leave hopefully means I can concentrate on it all and hopefully get it done within the next 10 weeks I have left. However with an ever increasing huge weight to carry around all the time (feels like carrying a rucksack of stuff on your front) which is creating excruciating back pain and reuniting me with my childhood friend, asthma, plus wanting to sleep all the time - I am seriously beginning to have my doubts. 

Dependency on other people sucks. You know they have their own life and have better things to be doing than to be helping you out. Plus it takes planning to have them round takes time. I want to be able to do things when I want not have to wait till someone's in the house with me. 

Sunday, 4 August 2013


The naming process was supposed to be quite simple. After all I had been thinking about my children's names since I was a child myself. So why was I now finding it so difficult? Mainly because the father to be hates all the names I like. The father to be also wants his name to be the baby's surname but grants me the middle name of my choosing. Months have gone by where I have suggested names and he either rejects them completely or thinks they're "alright" or "not bad", not completely won over by any name. 

People have told me never to discuss names with the family but when your partner is so unwilling to talk about names, never coming up with any suggestions himself I find it hard to stick to this rule. Then, of course, I started discussing names on public forums and found the usual repusled reaction to my taste in names. Are my names really that bad? Or is it everyone else who is wrong? Is it wrong to want something a bit different for your child? 

My mum wanted something different for me. I got bullied but who wasn't? Plus i wasn't just bullied for my name, I was bullied because my hair was longer than average and for being too thick for the top set of English yet too swatty for the bottom set of French and Maths, and, of course, I got bullied for being ugly. I'm not a doctor or someone of high importance but if I had the brain power and career drive I'm sure I would be no matter what my name is. 

I've come to the point now where I'm exhausted with it and am resigning to the fact that my child will probably be named something I don't initially like. I'll carry him for 9 months (which is unpleasant) give birth to him (which - guess what - will also be unpleasent not to mention ruining my body for the rest of my life) and then, after all that shit, have to name him Dave. The pressure is too much. And please don't comment on this saying I can name my child what I want because I really can't without someone saying they hate it or smile to my face then bitch about it to someone else.