Saturday, 28 December 2013


Abel Reuben Graham-Dean has arrived! As you can imagine for the past couple of months I've had my hands full with baby, poo, milk, blood, sweat and tears so it's taken a while to finally get round to posting on my blog again. A big plus is that I finally have a keyboard and mouse again so I can view and participate in the world wide web without having to do it through a rubbish old phone or ipad app.

We'll start with my experience as a new mum: the delivery. I feel there is an inconsistency between what the media and, indeed, NHS literature, various sources of information provided etc and reality. The main thread of advice repeated being "don't panic", "don't be scared", "if the pain was that bad no one would have babies". I found this to be all completely false. It was so bad I had post traumatic stress. It was all I could talk about for two weeks. Every non-parent visitor I had got the instruction to never have children and that the information out there is all lies. The bottom line is nothing can prepare you. Even me typing this and you reading it is pointless as every experience is different and so maybe that is why the antenatal care is minimal and in no way prepares you.

 Even the post natal care left much to be desired. My stitches (both internal and external) got infected even though I followed all advice and procedures to keep them clean. Not to mention swallowed all the drugs they could fill me up with as I left the hospital, asking if  I could perhaps stay one more night. My request was questioned and I explained that I couldn't really walk or stand up or sit down for too long. All I could do was lay down. Was I really in a fit state to take care of a newborn if all I could do was lie down? I was told that I was young (questionable, I'm twenty-nine and what that has to do with post natal recovery I don't know) and that I would find it easier once I was home. I was bed bound for a month. I was very ill. My mum had to stay over at the weekends to help out. When she wasn't there it was horrible being on my own and dealing with a newborn when it hurt so much to a) sit up to breastfeed and b) breastfeed. The act of breastfeeding to begin with is like someone actually biting off your nipple. This lasted for two weeks. During this time my nipples were cracked and bleeding. I cried every time I fed him. After two weeks the pain suddenly goes as if the baby has bitten through all my nerve endings so there's nothing left to feel. 

My birth plan of a home water birth with little intervention went straight out the window by the way. As for the birth plan itself that you are encouraged to write out as a guideline for the midwives to follow is not even asked for by anyone and so I can only assume is to put the mother's mind at rest whilst pregnant, giving her false hope that she will have some degree of control during the birth.

I don't know whether my experience is an uncommon one. A friend of mine who had her baby two days earlier was back to playing roller derby within a month, felt no pain breast feeding etc. My mum told me it took her six months before her body felt normal again. I'm guessing that is when she stopped breastfeeding.

Whinge whinge whinge moan moan moan! But what about the good stuff? Isn't being a mum the best job in the world? Yes it is. It is exactly that - a job but one you can never get sacked from and one you actually care about. You get so much satisfaction it really is amazing. Words really can't describe how you feel as the doctor splats your newborn on to your belly for the first time, he looked up at me and I melted. He is the only man in my life that will ever matter to me. And with is a picture of him in a bear suit I got him for Christmas.